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Monthly Archives: September 2013

I know the truth

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It’s been a good morning, working on some proofing and editing for my client. It’s funny how quickly I’ve gone from “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing” to “I think I might be really good at this.” Time will tell, but yeah, I could probably do this kind of work for the long haul. It’s already been a growing experience, regardless. Still, more would be excellent.

It’s another beauty of a day and I’ll be getting out this afternoon again. I had a good long ramble yesterday, and while I was out, I kept thinking about the first time I’d gone to that particular spot, several years ago now, but the memory was still fresh. I couldn’t manage to do what came pretty easily to me yesterday way back when, got too puffed to finish climbing up a bit of a hill and had to stop to rest. It was a heck of a lot easier yesterday, and I not only got up whatever hills and rises there were, but I completed the entire loop of the trail. That might be small potatoes to some, but it showed me just how far I’ve come this year, starting out with just ten minutes a day.

Persistence is the key here, and never mind that there’s nothing to show (yet) to the rest of the world. I haven’t had any kind of startling weight loss, my clothes aren’t hanging off of me, I’m not thin. And you know what? Big whoop. I’m stronger than I have been in a very long time, I have more stamina, I feel better, and more than any of that, I see possibilities. I’m miles away from where I started and to hell with anyone who thinks I haven’t accomplished a thing. I know the truth, because it’s all there in every step I’ve put onto my ratty old shoes. All those steps have taken me miles and miles ahead of where I was, physically, spiritually, emotionally. I know the truth.

I know the truth, because I see it out in front of me, and it’s a vision of health and well-being and learning to be comfortable in this body of mine, of honoring it and treating it with respect and dignity, and of looking in the mirror and liking the woman who’s there smiling back at me. I know the truth.

That’s my truth today. I am not yet fully who I want to be, but I am not who I was. That’s a powerful truth.

Find your truth and love it.

Make it a great day, all!

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Sunday yarn

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So I cast on yesterday, thinking it was a good idea to start using up some of my leftover balls of yarn to knit up a big, colorful blanket. I worked on it most of the afternoon, a soothing bit of knitting that didn’t require too much thought once I was past the cast on and first few rounds were completed, and it seemed just the ticket for a very low energy, painfully pounding head kind of day.

Looking at it now in the bright morning light, I can only declare it ugly as homemade sin and completely frog-worthy.

That’s okay, because it did its job yesterday, keeping me occupied and less inclined to give into my headache. But it really is ugly. I wouldn’t foist this thing off on anyone, much less keep it for myself.

Today, I’m missing my hats and it just happens that I have two in progress, so I think I’ll be giving them some love today. As for my big bowl of oddments, I can be content to let it sit there for a while longer just being pretty. I’ll find a use for that yarn at the right time.

It was a cool start to the morning though it’s warmed up nicely now, and despite being tired from the headache yesterday, I’m going to get outside later and enjoy the day. It’s been two days now since I’ve had any exercise and I need the activity. First, though, more coffee.

Happy Sunday, all! Make it a great day!

Reflection

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A rainy day, made for knitting and reflection and drinking tea.

My head hurts, because I’ve yet to truly learn my lesson about having alcohol and sugar on the same night. It was one of the increasingly rare nights last night when I indulge in either, and either would be okay, in moderation. It’s the combination of both that leaves me with a sometimes ferocious headache. Maybe this will be the day I embrace that lesson.

Funny how long it sometimes takes for something I know to be true to sink in. We are all perverse creatures that way, longing to move ahead into a brighter light, but lingering in the shadows. Still, I will continue to strive to be better, to be more than I am now, to do more good, to live more fully, to walk into the light.

The rain has put in in a pensive mood, I think, though reflection and deep thought are not things to fear or shy away from. Perhaps today is a good day to surrender to them. Perhaps today, as can be the case every day, will be a day of growth.

I hope so.

Whatever your day brings you, make it a great day.

Comfort zone

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Yesterday, I rested. After four days in a row of mostly longer than usual walks, I’d earned a day off. Today, it’ll be weights and yoga.

Mr. F once told me that there are “bar people,” folks who so regularly go to bars that they can be spotted a mile off. He was right, and I was knee deep in them last night. My friend M asked me to go to a concert with her, part of the lineup for a four-day music fest around here, and the venue was at one of the locals. It’d been almost exactly a year since I’d last been in a bar, and yep, I was out of my comfort zone for the first hour or so, but surrendered that soon enough, and you know what? I had a great time. I may have been out of my depth, but I was with a good friend, the music was great, and the folks there were pretty decent. I’m glad I went, and it was a good reminder to me to push out of those comfort zones once in a while, if only to keep things from going stale.

Those kinds of gatherings are always good for people watching and I amused myself part of the night with making up stories about the folks there. That girl there, with the short shorts and the long, highly processed hair? Roller derby queen. That guy in the red jeans? Looking for all the attention he can get. The diminutive guy at the adjacent table? Easily drank his own weight and was numbing some pain or loss with gallons of beer.

Tonight I’ll be with a more sedate crowd and quieter music will be in the background as several of us gather for a meal and some knitting. It should be warm enough to sit outside on the deck for a time and enjoy this beautiful day together. A bonus is that I won’t have to stuff bits of tissue into my ears to dampen the noise or have to yell “what?” every other word.

Happy Friday, all! Make it a great day!

 

Less

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It was a longish ramble yesterday, up to the old pioneer cemetery, down a completely new-to-me trail, back down to the wide inlet, a loop around another part of the trail, and back to the car. All in all, I was out walking or having a sit-and-think for a good couple of hours, and I followed that up with some more time in the car with my Kindle.

I’m glad I got the Kindle, truly. My only complaint is that my reading has become a lot more scattered since I got it. Too much easy availability of too many titles, with the addition of sample chapters on offer from Amazon, plus a ton of free titles, and that makes for disjointed reading for me. Isn’t that the way it goes? There are too many distractions in life, from the internet to TV to toothpaste. I mean, honestly, does there really need to be an entire aisle at the store devoted to toothpaste?

Just like I’m working toward less time online, I’m working to tame the scattered reading. I am at heart a book monogamist, greatly preferring to be faithful to one book at a time. I’ll get there, with some effort and discipline.

Day two of tech sabbathing after work was a success, and I’m continuing the experiment today. I’ll be shutting my computer off once my work for the day is done and leaving it off until tomorrow morning. I could get used to this. Less of the internets is a good thing.

Less but better, in most things.

I’ll keep working at it until I get there.

Happy Thursday, all! Make it a great day!

Online

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I was planning on taking today as a rest day, but it’s sunny and should be nicely warmed up later this afternoon and it’d be a shame to waste such a day inside all day. Perhaps just a short walk. Or a nice long ramble. Either will do.

I took a tech sabbath yesterday, starting about mid-afternoon, and it was such a hit that I’m doing it again today. I walked and read and knitted and slept, all without the little glowing box that holds so many temptations and ways to fritter away the time on. It was good.

Somewhere, there’s a balance between the time spent online and the time without its insidious, time sucking presence. I continue to struggle with it, conscious that I waste far too much time in pointless, seemingly endless surfing. I’m an online addict, and while I don’t know that I’ll ever fully escape the habit, I want to work on less time online, less dependence on the little glowing box, more real living, because life online isn’t really living.

Happy Wednesday, all! Make it a great day!

 

Necessary

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I didn’t sit on the poison ivy. That’s the really, really good thing about yesterday’s walk.

The rest of it was pretty darn good, too. I returned to the scene of the previous day’s crime, but took a different trail this time around, making a wide loop around the woods before circling back to the broad inlet, fed by the Skunk River, where I’d so happily perched on that butt-friendly rock the day before.

The sun was hot and bright, the sky was achingly blue, and all was peaceful. I watched a river otter for a long time as it swam back and forth, back and forth, just its head visible most of the time, but occasionally rising up quick as a flash to slap the water, whether for sheer joy or some other reason, I don’t know. It seemed happy to me, and it made me happy to be in that quiet, peaceful place where I was completely, blissfully alone, barring the animals and insects. Those moments are as necessary to me as food and water and air.

Also necessary is work, and I must get to it, though I’d really love to just get in the car and go somewhere. Duty calls, however. Happy Tuesday, all! Make it a great day!