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Back to the center

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I had a wonderful night out with friends last night. We gathered in the backyard at C and K’s house for delicious Indian fare, drinks–and C makes a potent gin and tonic, if you’re wondering–talk, and some general silliness. Good times, and the food–it was fantastic! I’m thinking it’s time for me to explore some Indian cooking.

It’s another unseasonably mild day here, and there is a walk in my future, after taking yesterday as a rest day. I’m looking forward to getting out later and moving. I can’t stress how much better I feel overall, and even though I still have daily aches and pains, largely thanks to arthritis, those aches are so much more manageable now.

I’ve been thinking some about this long journey of mine that in many ways has really just begun, and while it’d be easy for me to get frustrated with the slow outward progress, I’ve come to think that I had to get my head in the right place first. I had to be ready, in other words, to begin the outer work.

One of my yoga teachers uses the phrase “come back to the center,” and while he’s talking about an outward physical action, that applies very much to my interior actions as well. I’d lost my center long ago, well before Mr. F, and it’s taken me a very long time to come back to it, but these days, I feel I’m there, or at the very least, much closer to it than I have been in ages. It’s a good place to be, this center of mine, where I’m not so ego-centric, so selfish, so me! me! me!, and curiously enough, that makes me feel more like me. And I do like me these days. I see the imperfections and inconsistencies and faults, I still feel the loss and loneliness of being away from the one I love, but I’m more forgiving of my faults, gentler with myself, and that allows me to be gentler, for the most part, with others. Yep, I like me these days. I’m coming back to the center.

I may or may not post tomorrow–I have Mandatory Family Fun and will be headed to the family farm to partake in that. In case I don’t get a chance to post, I wish you all a safe and enjoyable holiday, mandatory fun notwithstanding.

Make it a good day today!

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About Kymm

I'm a reader and writer and knitter, a sister, daughter, and friend. This blog is my letter, of love and hate, frustration and joy, rants and praises, to a great big world. You can read it if you want to.

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