Thunder rumbles as I write this. It was a stormy night off to the west, with very heavy rain–five to six inches in some locations–and hail. Nothing like that here, though there was quite a lot of lightning and thunder. I fell asleep to the sound of rain, woke to brief sunshine, and now–well, it seems like there’ll be more rain.
I took yesterday as a rest day, primarily because of the headache and impending cold. I feel somewhat better today but have a mild sore throat. I think it’ll be a weights-and-yoga day. I need to move, whatever the weather is like. It makes me feel so good, but it’s funny sometimes how quickly I forget that, and how easy it becomes just to sink into inactivity. It should be just an everyday thing by now, getting up and moving, but it’s still something I have to be deliberate about. As long as I am getting up and moving, that’s what matters. My outward progress continues to be glacially slow, but it’s still progress. Inwardly, I feel about a million times better than I did a few months ago. That’s reason enough to move.
Also reason to move is to help stave off the slight melancholy that clings to me, caused in part by the weather, in part by the living situation I’m in, in part by the longing I have to be somewhere else, with someone else. I have much to be grateful for here–good friends, a measure of freedom, a place to live, the basics and more. Still, my heart is always elsewhere, and there’s always that mist of melancholy. Someone once told me I should be glad to have had what I had. I wanted to punch her, hard, and possibly repeatedly. That nonsense of “it’s better to have loved and lost” is just that–nonsense. It’s better to love and win and be loved in return and know you’re loved. Anyone who says anything different doesn’t have a clue about it.
Rainy days and Saturdays . . .
ETA: Weights and yoga–check! It’s amazing how good I feel once those little endorphins get to endorphing. The sun’s trying to come out, too. It’ll be a good day.