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Monthly Archives: May 2013


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Turns out it was a beautiful afternoon yesterday, just right for doing some mowing, and so I got ‘er done at my house sitting gig. I also got a blister the size of a quarter on my heel, thanks to a wardrobe malfunction in the sock area, but I think I’ll live.

My house sitting job will come to an end this weekend, and I’m really going to miss it. It’s been rewarding in ways that have nothing to do with money, and it’s made me nostalgic for my “faux wife” days with Mr. F, when running a household was my daily task and pleasure. Rewarding? Hugely. Nothing else I’ve done has ever given me the sense of satisfaction and purpose I found in playing householder. It was, for the most part, a satisfied life.

I ran across a link to the following on Facebook earlier today and it struck all kinds of chords with me, and maybe something in it will speak to you, too. I hope you’ll take the time to read it. This is the kind of life I aspire to.

ETA: Here’s a thing: T-shirts that were decidedly tight not that long ago are now decidedly much looser. Happy? Dang right I am!

Rain, rain, go away

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More heavy rain is on the way. Can I say that dampens my spirits? I’m getting mighty tired of this, and so is everyone else. Aside from threats of flooding, which are very much a possibility after a couple of days of freedom from that particular worry, this weather is messing with my head. Literally. Headache again today, as well as general joint achiness. Bleh. Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day.

It’s hard to keep a chipper attitude sometimes when you’re held hostage by forces you can’t control, but I’m working at it. That’s the thing about attitudes, good or bad–you have to work at them.

I’m hoping for a walk later on, but if I can’t get out, I’ll find some other way to get myself moving. More and more, I’m rediscovering the systemic benefits of regular activity, and I like the way I’ve been feeling overall. Even the body aches from the damp weather are lessened. The biggest benefit, though, is the boost to my sense of well-being, which is expanding almost daily. I’m feeling more myself, more that happy me I used to be, and that’s a darn good reason to keep moving.

Happy Thursday, all! Watch out for worms on the sidewalk!

A good day

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After a wonderful respite yesterday, we’re back to an unsettled weather day. It’s currently mostly cloudy, the air feels juicy, and I’d be surprised if there isn’t some rain later on. We dodged a bullet in terms of flooding in the last few days, though rivers and streams and lakes and ponds–all of which I visited yesterday–are very full. Unless we get a deluge, I’m thinking and hoping it won’t be a repeat of 2010.

The laundry’s going right now and I’ll have clean sheets tonight. I always look forward to that, though changing the sheets seems to be a chore. But then I remember my grandma using a wringer washer to do all the laundry down on the farm, and that was a huge improvement over boiling everything in the giant and wickedly heavy wash pot. I should not complain. All I have to do is take stuff upstairs, turn a dial or two, and I have laundry.

On the agenda for today is my weights routine and some yoga for my back, hanging with my kitters–we had such a good afternoon yesterday, sitting on the back porch enjoying the sun and birds and squirrels and reading (me) and napping (them)–maybe a short walk later if the heavens don’t open up. It’ll be a good day, whatever the weather.

Happy Wednesday, all!

ETA: Laundry’s just about taken care of, and I’ve done my weights and yoga, both of which left me sweating but feeling mighty fine. A brief thunderstorm moved through a bit ago, but it wasn’t serious about doing much other than making some noise. Lunch is over, too, and I’m looking ahead to my afternoon. Yep, it’s a good day.

On motivation

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Here’s the truth about me and motivation: I have exactly zero motivation on exactly all of the days of the week, the month, the year. ZEE-RO.

I have to make myself get up and get outside or pick up the weights or whatever it is I do, every single time I do whatever it is I do. There’s no “woo hoo! I get to go sweat and enjoy my back aching and my knees creaking and my hips going all tight on me!” I force myself.

I do it, though. Kind of sporadically lately, but I do it, and I’ll tell you why: it’s for those moments when I find myself sweating and red-faced and breathing hard and grinning. Yep, grinning. It’s for those moments when I visualize myself stepping outside of my overweight self, as if it were a costume I can just unzip and walk out of, when I strip off that weight and all the other crap that comes with it and leave it behind me in the dust, when I feel strong and sure and happy. When I see the thinner, stronger, tougher, better, happier me kicking fat me’s butt. In a good way. When I feel swift and fleet of foot, like that FTD guy, and like I could go on forever.

I know the reality is very different. I’ve been outpaced by grannies and cranky old men and arthritic dogs. It’s kind of like this for me:

What I feel like when I

This is one instance when clinging to the fantasy is wiser than being a realist.

I’m going to keep going. Motivated or not.

ETA: Just back from my walk and I ask you this: who’s a freaking rockstar Amazon? I am, that’s who. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.

On Memorial Day

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I don’t have too much to say on this Memorial Day. After a bout with a particularly nasty migraine yesterday, I’m pretty well wiped out and it’ll be a day of rest and quiet for me. I do want to share the following video, though. It’s well worth five minutes or so of your day.

Things I’m tired of

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1. No sun.

2. Rain, then more rain, and some rain on top of rain.

3. Kitties peeing everywhere but in the box.

4. Wanting to settle into hibernation mode. See numbers 1 and 2 for more information.

5. Headaches. See number 2.

6. Body aches. See number 2.

7. I’m tired of whining. I get to see a friend I haven’t seen for quite some time today, and I’m happy about that. I’ll also get to hang out with my cat-sitting cats and watch the last two episodes of “Firefly,” after which I’ll be in mourning for a time, and it’s a great day for knitting, if I get it out and knit. Gotta forge ahead on the Random Hats project–I’m too close to the end to not push through my hat-making ennui and get ‘er done. I could use some movement, too, so will try for a walk. Barring that, there’s my weights routine and yoga for my back, which ought to ease some of the achiness I’m feeling. It’ll be a good day.

Have a good Sunday, all!



If that’s not strength . . .

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It’s cool and rainy here today–I guess the drought may well be over¬† at last, though in terms of the growing season, it’s very early days and the long hot days of summer are still ahead.

I’ve been reluctant to write about what’s to come but what the hell. Sometimes a girl just has to go balls out. It’s gnawing at me, and I think it’s time to ease that a little.

I find myself turning over a question that’s been in my mind and heart for some time now, and it’s simply this–why would a person cut off all avenues of communication but be a daily presence on this little blog of mine? Never mind how I know, though I’d tell you if you asked. I just do, and it seems to me that’s an indication of some kind of interest.

It could be this person will never darken my blog’s doorway again after this. I can deal with that. I’ve dealt with much worse and while it knocked me to my knees for a time, I got back up. In any case, it can’t get any worse or any more weird or distant or inexplicable, not from my perspective, and none of it changes what I carry with me every single day in regard to this person. I’m holding steadfast. Call me a damn fool if you will, but my heart is not my own and hasn’t been since we first started those shy, sweet, and sometimes awkward talks what seems like a lifetime ago.

In the last almost two years since there’s been this vast silence,¬† I’ve seen how terribly weak I am, time after time after time. I could let that be the end of the story, but it’s only a part of it. There’s so much more.

I’ve also seen strength. I’ve found myself standing on the edge of the abyss and it would have been oh, so easy to just take that step forward, but I stepped back. I’ve faced down pain and loss and the weight of sadness. I’ve faced my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual weight. I’ve barely truly begun to deal with the physical, but in regard to the others? Hell yes, I’ve made progress. Huge progress. I thought I could never be happy again, but I’ve found that, while it’s tinged with bittersweet regret, there is happiness. I find contentment and joy in small things. And I love a man who . . . I love a man.

So you person, you–do what you need to do, just like you’ve been doing. It doesn’t change how I feel, not one bit. You have a good person here who loves you, who’s on your side, who wants nothing less for you than good. Be happy, with or without me, but be happy. And I will love you all of my days.

If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is.

And there’s this last thing: whatever it is, it ain’t crazy. I’ve never been more sane than I am now. Just sayin.