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Not awful

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So, what I alluded to earlier this week has come about and I find myself job-free. It wasn’t a shock, because there were some telling signs that my contract would not be renewed, particularly when my last invoice was returned to me for revisions. I revised the snot out of that thing, spending about three hours on it yesterday going through it line by line with a fine-toothed comb and making sure every last jot and tittle was just so. All I can say now is, it had best be honored.

This could be awful, but I don’t think it will be. I don’t think it is now, at the least. Sure, there were some passing feelings yesterday of “what a loser” and “what am I going to do now” and “do I cut internet service” and “how else can I trim my spending,” but mostly, I think this will be for the good in the long run. Maybe even in the short run, too. I’m optimistic, and my past history tells me that things will work out. They always do, one way or another, and often for the better.

I’m still looking at ways to trim spending overall, but, with the wisdom of the morning and some wise counsel from a friend, have decided that internet service is necessary, at least while I’m looking for work. No cuts there for the time being.

The search has begun, and while I’m not firing off applications and resumes just yet, I am getting a feel for what’s out there, and that’s not a bad thing. There’s money enough in reserve so I can take a bit of time off work, but not for too long. In the interim, there’s updating my resume, getting approval from different folk I’d like to list as references, preparing a standard and infinitely tweakable cover letter–all the normal things one does when looking for work. I don’t know if my ideal is out there or not, but I’ll be on the lookout.

Actually, I know my ideal isn’t out there, at least not as paid work. What I’d love more than anything is to be a householder, aka a housewife. Best job I’ve ever had was when I played housewife, or as he called it, faux wife, to Mr. F. It was the best time of my life and I didn’t really know it until it was over. Damn–that’s how it goes. We live in the moment after the moment has passed and it can’t be called back except in memory.

Well–that’s enough wool-gathering for the moment. I need to be living in this moment, here, now, as well as looking ahead to whatever comes and being open to good changes. Because there will be good changes. I believe that.

I can do this.

Still, wish me luck.

ETA: Hat number 38 is off the needles; number 39 has been cast on. Onward to 54!

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About Kymm

I'm a reader and writer and knitter, a sister, daughter, and friend. This blog is my letter, of love and hate, frustration and joy, rants and praises, to a great big world. You can read it if you want to.

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