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March first

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So long, February. I won’t miss you. Not one little bit.

Who knew when I chose “discomfort” as my theme for February that it would be just that–a whole long month of it. The good news is, I lived through it, and if you’re reading this, so did you. Holy buckets, I do not like that month at all, for a truckload of reasons.

But that’s enough griping–it’s over now, and it’s time to look ahead to what’s to come. I’ll admit I’m skeered–and that’s a real word–to choose a theme for this month after getting slammed last month, although I’m still mulling over some possibilities. It’s got to be better, right? That’s what the optimist in me says, and I’m going to listen to her. Anyway, I’ve already lived through worse than February dished out, I’m strong and resilient and I’m not taking any guff, so that’s enough whining, too–I’m moving ahead with confidence. How’s that for some positive self-talk?

Remember waaaaaaay back at the beginning of last month, when I posted my monthly goals? I had to go take another look, too, so it’s okay if you do. I’ll wait.

Let’s review, shall we?

I didn’t quite make my fitness goals–I’m pretty much up to about 20 minutes a day, six days a week. That’s a heck of a lot better than no minutes a day, no days a week, and I’m going to be happy (really happy) with what I’ve accomplished. I’m feeling better, I can see a change in my body, and it’s done me so much good that I’m not quitting. I haven’t thought ahead to my March goals just yet–maybe tomorrow?–but I am not quitting. This girl is going to get fit, strong, and healthy, and I will defy anyone, including myself, who says otherwise.

I hit my goal for the Random Hats project–number 32 is off the needles and number 33 has been cast on as of yesterday. I’ll admit to having moments of being mighty, mighty tired of knitting hats, but I’m digging down deep and forging ahead.

I don’t have to tell you that I was pushed waaaaaaaay out of my comfort zones this past month. Holy moley. Or holy molar, as the case may be. Discomfort? Hell to the yeah on that one.

Today is one of those bittersweet days that I suppose I’ll be living with for the rest of my life, and I’m longing for home. I’m making do with some photos, but they’ll never ever take the place of what my heart aches for. But I am a strong woman, and I have a life to live, and I will find whatever happiness there is in this life, apart from what I have lost. I have to. Being strong doesn’t mean I never cry. I’ve learned that those tears are part of what gives me strength. I’m not ashamed of them, or of my sense of loss and grief and my broken heart that still beats true. Those are what make me human.

Better days ahead, for all of us.

ETA: I promise never again to use non-words like “waaaaaaay.” Twicet in one post. I wince at myself.

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About Kymm

I'm a reader and writer and knitter, a sister, daughter, and friend. This blog is my letter, of love and hate, frustration and joy, rants and praises, to a great big world. You can read it if you want to.

2 responses »

  1. Lioness. <- Your March word of the month.

    Reply

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