Finally, some sun, and thank goodness for that.
Today is one of those days when I thought I had the blog post all figured out, but when I started writing the planned post, it all fell flat. It felt forced and phony and wrong, just a big fat lie in the middle of a big fat fake life.
Here’s the thing: you may think you’ve worked through things to the point that you’re living a pretty authentic life, but you never really get there. Life is challenge and struggle and pain and loss and aching so much for what used to be that you want to howl. It’s looking in the rearview and seeing everything you ever wanted fading in the distance. It’s forced and phony and wrong sometimes, and you have days you just can’t explain. Days like I had yesterday, when it all just seemed pretty stupid and useless and I wanted to give up.
And then you get up the next day and try again, because that’s what a person who wants to live a life that’s real and true and honest does. You grit what teeth you have left and get on with it, because for all the bad and painful and ugly in this world, there is yet good and true and joyful and beautiful to be found. At least that’s what I believe, what I cling to on the bad days, what gets me through.
You don’t forget what lies behind–all that has made you who you are, and there are even moments of gratitude for all that used to be. Moments in the present of a keen awareness that this, whatever it is, is the good stuff and you need to savor it. Hold onto it. Be thankful for it. Remember it, because it will sustain you in the hard times to come.
Because that’s life. It’s a beautiful struggle. We never arrive, but we keep striving.
“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
God, I hope I’m not just full of crap here.