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Monthly Archives: January 2013


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I spent part of yesterday afternoon working on my decluttering and rearranging project. More furniture was moved, the books that had been piled on the floor for several days were reshelved once I decided where to put the bookshelf, dusting and vacuuming were done–all in all, I spent about an hour and a half working away at what I want done and I’m totally counting that as my activity for the day. There’s still more to be done, but I feel good about what was accomplished yesterday.

Also done–hat number 28! Off the needles, ends woven in, and ready to join its brothers and sisters in the tidy and growing pile of hats I have. That felt good, too. Number 29 will be cast on later.

It’s very cold–a frigid 3 degrees at 10:30–and it’ll be another day spent inside, aside from a quick run to get the mail, but there’s plenty to do. And the sun’s out! The sun was out. It’s hiding now. Boo. I’m reminding myself that every day that passes is another day closer to spring–only 47 more to go! Roll on, spring!

I gave in

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To a craving, that is, and that led to overeating last night.

I don’t often want red meat, but when I do,  I want a big ol’ hamburger. I got one last night and it was so good! Also so big, and on a big bun, and I think the combination of red meat and bread for dinner led to my eating later on.

I’m working toward reversing my eating–instead of a small breakfast, moderate lunch, and big dinner, I am trying to swap the order so my smallest meal of the day is at night, and so I’m not eating after around 8:00 p.m. I’m not doing so hot in achieving these goals. For one, I’m seldom hungry in the morning. I often don’t have breakfast until 11:00 a.m. or so–and if you’re wondering, it’s 11:05 as I write this, and yep, I’m having my breakfast now–but lunch is always noonish. It’s usually not much more than a sandwich and I’m satisfied with that until around 3:00, when I tend to get peckish. An apple and a piece of string cheese keep me happy until dinnertime, and then–well, who knows what I’ll eat? It’s often heavy, carb-laden stuff, and too much to boot. While I’ve done well in cutting off my eating by 8:00 most nights, a craving of epic strength hit me last night after that burger on a bun and I gave in. More bread and the piece of chocolate I’d bought went down the hatch.

All this is not so much to condemn myself as to try to understand what’s going on, what my triggers are, and how to avoid them. I know, for example, when I have a migraine I need to avoid anything sugary, cheese, and bananas. There’s a definite cause-and-effect there, and if I’m to avoid even more pain than I already have, I’d do well not to eat those foods. The “but” here is this–it took me a lot longer to own that out than it should have. I knew that eating that stuff was making me feel worse, but I kept doing it anyway until I’d finally had enough. Same thing applies to my eating at night. I “know” carbs are bad for me at night, but I’m stalling with putting that knowledge into practice. It’s the “why”  I need to get to now. Or I could just stop and let the “why” work itself out in its own time. I think maybe I’ve finally had enough.

I feel good

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Yesterday, it was yoga.

I hadn’t attempted yoga in years and forgot how challenging it can be, even doing only the “simple” moves. It left me aching but energized, and one move in particular made me feel like an Amazon–more on that some other time. How great is that? My legs are still on the sore side, but it was so worth it, and I’ll be adding some yoga into the mix on a regular basis, I think. Anything that makes me feel that good is okay by me!

Today is weight training day, and though I’ll follow the same routine I’ve been using, I’m going to step it up a notch and use heavier weights. I think I’m ready for more of a challenge, and I’m looking forward to it.

I’m a little amazed by how much better I’m feeling in just a few short days of small doses of exercise. I’ve nattered on about exercise and its systemic effects for ages now, but I’ve neglected to put it into practice and had semi-forgotten how good it is–how good it feels to move, how much it affects mood, and how lucky I am to be able to move. I want to hang onto all that!

Today, I’m focusing on what’s going right, and how to take advantage of the little bit of momentum I’ve got going. I’m feeling optimistic and that feels good!

I’m baaack!

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I’m back from what felt like too short a tech sabbath. I was only very mildly tempted to log on once or twice, but for the most part, it was a refreshing time away from this small box that sucks up so much of my time. I did laundry and chores, read, napped, knit (hat number 28 is coming along swimmingly, and I also did a bit of knitting on a project that’s been in time out for a while), watched Downton Abbey (and holy cow, I did NOT see that coming!) and The Fugitive–the series, not the movie–and kept up with my 3-H goals.

With the month of January almost over, I’m looking ahead some to next month and what I’d like to accomplish in February. I’ve settled on an overarching theme for the month, thanks to my friend T, and am making plans to challenge myself a little more, to deliberately push out of my comfort zones, to do and be more. Stay tuned!

I don’t know about you, but February is often one of the most difficult months of the year for me to cope with. It’s still firmly in the grips of Old Man Winter but so agonizingly close to spring–I guess it’s a good thing it’s a shorter month. There’s also that damn day smack in the middle of the month–you know the one–and for me, there are loads and loads of bittersweet memories throughout the month. I’m not taking it lying down this year, though. February, you are on notice! It’s going to be a month of challenges, growth, and a good dose of sass, so watch out.

I said it before, and I’ll say it again–2013 is gonna be my year. I’m making it my year. The sass? it’s on the way back.




Week in review

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It’s January 26th, and one week into my 3-H experiment. Time for a little look back at the week that was, doncha think?

Despite it not being a great week either physically or emotionally, and keeping in mind that the day isn’t over yet, I kept to my commitment to at least ten minutes of deliberate movement per day. I wasn’t always enthused about it, particularly on the day of the migraine, but I did it, and I’m pleased that I did. You may think ten minutes is a piddling thing, and it might be for you, but it wasn’t for me. You do this and tell me you’re not breathing hard at the end of it. I did my best to alternate cardio and weight training and I never thought I’d enjoy messing around with dumbbells, but I really did. And though I was using only one pound weights, I’m feeling the effects of those exercises, too.

All in all, I’m giving myself a gold star for Health this week. I pushed myself some, I kept at it even when I didn’t much feel like it, I mixed things up, and it did me good. I plan to continue what I’ve been doing for the next week.

I did a better job of shutting off the computer after I was through with work, but not a great job, and then I often substituted TV for computer use after. It’s something to keep working on, and I will keep this on my list of Happiness goals for the upcoming week. No gold star here.

I’m very happy to report that I met my Heart goal this week and even did it one better. Hat number 27 is off the needles as of this morning, meaning I’ve met not only the goal for the week, but for the month of January. I’m not quitting now! Number 28 will very likely be cast on later today. Gold star? You bet! My goal for the week ahead is to complete number 28 and at least have number 29 cast on.

Some other observations on the week that was: I found myself correcting my posture more often. I’m a slumper but caught myself sitting a little straighter, standing a little taller, and generally feeling a bit less rounded. That’s a good thing! There were also moments when I had a glimpse of the me-that-could-be, when I visualized a stronger, healthier, happier, thinner me. That future me was awfully appealing, and I look forward to meeting her–and being her–in the months to come.

You know what? I can do it!

ETA: I’m planning a tech sabbath beginning later today–I’ll likely be back on Monday. Have a great weekend, all!

Later that same day: I had a somewhat challenging and very frosty walk this afternoon. Not for the first time, I thought that maybe I should knit myself a hat–I dang near froze my ears off in the icy wind. Oddly enough, though, I was all sweaty once I got out of the wind. Then I ate chocolate, and I am unrepentant. This isn’t the first time I’ve had chocolate since I cut back on sugar so drastically, but it was undeniably the best. It felt like what it should be–a rare treat that was rich, decadent, and naughty. I savored every bit of it.


Freeplay Friday

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For you fans of the freeplay–I know you missed it last week! (I write that with tongue firmly in cheek–I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that some folks don’t like Freeplay Friday. Tough noogies. My blog–my rules. Neener neener!)

I hadn’t thought about this song in ages, though it was at one time getting some heavy play on my personal playlist. Why I thought of it as I was drifting off to sleep last night, I don’t know, except I’ve been thinking of, and longing for, home a great deal lately. I am that wayfaring stranger, or that’s how I often feel. That’s not perhaps as gloomy as it may first appear–though I long for home, I’m glad I know what home truly feels like, and even if I never go there again–well, I know what it feels like. Some people never do.


Nice men and other things

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I’m reminded once again why I dislike winter so much. It’s a frigid, gloomy day, and I’m thinking maybe I should have invested in a SAD light before winter started. These oppressive days really get to me, and not in a good way. I’m working my way out of the funk I’ve been in the last couple of days or so, but it’s hard work. Seriously, I’m leaving Iowa the second I can. One more Iowa winter might just do me in.

That said, I did wake with a bit of a lighter heart this morning. I faced up to a task yesterday that wasn’t easy for me, but it was necessary. I’d been more or less asked out, as in for a date, and I’d initially accepted, but it just felt all kinds of wrong to me afterward and I spent the next several days wrestling with my conflicted feelings. The man doing the asking is a lovely man, smart and charming and handsome and funny, and any girl ought to be good with that kind of guy, but what it came down to for me was that I’d feel like I was cheating. I just couldn’t do it, go out with this nice man, because however nice he is, he isn’t the nice man who holds my heart, and I had to tell that to the man who asked me out. Call me a sap if you want–I’m not the cheating kind, and it doesn’t matter if Mr. F would ever know or not. I would, and I can’t do it.

The other nice man in question was very gracious and understanding, and we will remain friends. That’s a good thing, and a heck of a lot better than going ahead with something I know isn’t right with me, regretting it, and losing a friend whom I value.

In other news, I’ve been keeping up with my commitment to my 10 minutes of deliberate activity during the day, I’m shutting my computer down earlier, if not exactly right after I’m done working for the day, and hat number 26 is off the needles. Number 27 is scheduled to be cast on later today. Woot! It feels good to look back at the end of the day and see that I’ve accomplished something.

And I’m reminding myself that each day that passes is one day closer to spring. It can’t get here soon enough!



Better days

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Migraines suck. Surviving another one isn’t as great as you might think, because it means I’ve had another one, and after nearly a full lifetime of them, I could do without.

But it’s over now, and though I’ll be tired today, I’m relatively pain-free, and that’s something I’m grateful for. It’s also sunny, warmer–if 20 degrees can be called warm–than it has been for the last couple of days, and I’m getting on with it.

Despite a fairly severe migraine yesterday, I got in my exercise time and it’s a funny thing, but ten minutes or so didn’t seem like nearly enough. I felt I’d just gotten started when it was over. I know I won’t always feel that way, but it’s still a nice thing to have happened on an otherwise pretty shitty day.

Crap days happen. They don’t have to last, though. Better days ahead.

ETA: Because this is exactly the sort of thing I do, I Googled (actually, I used Bing, so I Binged it(?)) the phrase “crap days” and here’s what I came up with: Made me laugh, and that’s no crap.

Underwear is heavy

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Work was a total bust yesterday–I’m guessing the day was a holiday at the home office and they forgot to tell everyone–so I spent the afternoon working on some projects I’ve been meaning to get to.

My exercise for the day included hauling books, moving and rearranging furniture, vacuuming, moving two TVs, including one that weighs about 3,000 pounds, and starting on the decluttering I’ve been thinking about for ages.

All of this rearranging and moving and hauling required moving my dresser. I have a small dresser that, emptied, I can move without too much trouble, but I’d boxed it in with that 3,000 pound TV and it was easier to move the dresser than the TV. Easier, but not easy.

I’m here to tell you that underwear is heavy. Don’t let anyone try to fool you. Those three drawers full of drawers and whatnot made me sweat while I was trying to rock that dresser back and forth like a car stuck in the mud, inching it past the monster TV until I could get the drawers out and move it all properly. I womaned up and got the job done, but I didn’t have a good time doing it.

Also not a good time was the Pandora’s box I pulled out. I suppose most everyone has a box of things that they can’t bear to look at, but that they can’t bear to get rid of, either. A box full of hurt and regret and loss and bitter, bitter tears. Or maybe that’s just me. This box I have is where I’ve stored everything Mr. F gave me, everything I bought while we were together that isn’t still in his house, all the fossils we’d hunted together. It’s a sizable box and only half-full, so I thought it’d be just dandy to use to store away some of the clutter around here. It wasn’t, really.  Just like Pandora, I unleashed a boxful of woe when I opened it. Suffice it to say I bawled a lot yesterday and cussed my poor old heart that just won’t let me love anyone else.

Some days are like that. You feel what you feel, you live the hurt all over again, you do the ugly cry, and then you get on with it.

Underwear is heavy. So are regrets.

Weekend in review

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It’s a bitterly cold but sunny morning here, and my plans for the day are to stay inside and work, as well as get a few things done around the house and carry on with the 3-H/Sassback Initiative.

My weekend left me feeling I’d accomplished a thing or two, and that’s a pretty good feeling. Here’s a rundown:

Saturday/Health: I drove over to the next county (woo!) to Ledges State Park for a bit of a change of scenery. The day was sunny and fairly mild, just right for a walk to admire the tall sandstone cliffs, the achingly blue sky, and the warm sunshine. The wind kicked up while I was there, making it kind of nippy, but for January? heck yeah, I’ll take that any ol’ time. I’m not sure how long I walked, but I do know it was over my ten-minute minimum.

Happiness: Tech sabbath began Saturday night, and what a refreshing time! So glad I did it, and I’m equally glad I didn’t cheat. This girl got some stuff done as a result, and not sitting hunched in front of a screen all weekend felt like a treat.

Heart: I got the ribbing done on # 25. Finally!

Sunday/Health: A cold front moved in, ya know, along with strong winds, and it was too dang cold to venture out. I did a kind of haphazard dumbbell routine, recreating as best I could remember the You Tube/Denise Austin one I’d done a couple of days previously. I was mightily tempted to turn on the computer so I could follow along again, but knew if I turned it on at all I’d get sucked in, so even though what I did was kind of pathetic, it still counts!

I ate too darn much late afternoon into evening. I’m not sure what was going on there, but I’m not going to beat myself up for it. Today is a new day, and new and better choices can be made.

Happiness: Tech sabbath was in full swing. I did stuff that didn’t require a gadget. I watched Downton Abbey. I read. I knit. It was good.

Heart: Once I quit dinking around with that ribbing–and really, it should not have taken me as long as it did, but as pretty as the ribbing pattern is, I do not like knitting it and as a result I dawdled–the body of # 25 took off like a rocket. I finished it yesterday morning, right after CBS Sunday Morning–woot! Number 26 is cast on and you can bet I’m using a less tedious ribbing pattern.

I’m feeling a reinvigorated passion for the Random Hats of Kindness project after being in kind of a slump the last few weeks. I’m committed to seeing this through and reaching my goal of 54 by 54. I can do it!