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Shooting from the hip

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I have  a sad history of shooting from the hip–speaking or writing on complete impulse and doing something stupid or mean as a result. I did that last night when I shot off an email to someone from whom I’d ordered some knitting patterns. I’d erred in making the order but didn’t want to fully admit it so tried to make the designer more at fault than I was.

I got a reply today that was nice enough and included the patterns I’d ordered, and while I got what I paid for, I got something I didn’t really want–a bad taste in my mouth and someone thinking poorly of me because of that snarky email. I did apologize for my ill behavior, and while I’m unlikely to ever meet this person face to face, that bell can’t be unrung.

It could be I’m making too big a deal of this, but it’s been bothering me since I hit the “send” button. This has been a pattern throughout my life, and I just don’t quite know how to alter it. If I keep my mouth shut for too long, keep adding to my basket of hurts and injuries that Mr. F so accurately described, sooner or later it’s going to be full and it’ll all come spilling out. If I don’t keep my mouth shut, then I feel mean and petty and small-minded and childish. Where and how does one find an appropriate balance?

I suppose that I even think about this kind of thing and that it bothers me so at times is a hopeful sign. Right? But I do so wish I could call so many of my words back to me. Stop shooting from the hip and take careful aim, and pause before pulling that trigger. Remember some words I read years ago: The morning is wiser than the evening.

Unless, of course, the morning is just as stupid as the evening is.

Sigh.

 

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About Kymm

I'm a reader and writer and knitter, a sister, daughter, and friend. This blog is my letter, of love and hate, frustration and joy, rants and praises, to a great big world. You can read it if you want to.

2 responses »

  1. Oh, how many times I wish I could bite my tongue or in your case, bite your fingers! I don’t think I’ve ever been too snippy in an email. At least there is nothing I really regrest typing. My wish is that my mouth would stay shut when I needed it too. For me, it has gotten worse with aging. Sometimes though I think it might have something to do with my being so quiet and shy when I was young. I was accused of not being assertive enough, so I overcompensated.
    I am proud of myself though. About a month ago, I so wanted to tell this one lady that she was my problem, when she asked what was bothering me. Instead I pointed out another thing that was bothering me. In truth, it was both, but I am so glad I didn’t blurt out what was on my mind!

    Reply

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