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Monthly Archives: October 2012

Lyrical Wednesday

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Yesterday’s glorious sunshine in the morning gave way to clouds in the afternoon that dissipated just before sunset, and it was a spectacular one. I do love a good sunset, and so long for someone to share my sunsets with. Heck, for the right person, I might even be persuaded that sunrises are nice, too.

Despite the gray, or maybe because of it, I got out for a good walk and stopped, not in one of my familiar spots, but a different one for a bit of a think. There’s nothing like a good long think outdoors, I think. The park I so often go to, and that spot in particular, made me think if my dad. Dad would have turned 103 last Sunday, and he’s been on my mind a lot these last few days. The outdoors usually reminds me of him in one way or another anyway–he loved being out in nature. A hunter, trapper, and fisherman in his youth out of necessity, he held onto his love of nature his entire life and did his best to pass his love of the outdoors onto my brothers and me. None of us developed a lifelong taste for hunting and fishing, but to some degree or other, we all love the pockets of wild we can find around here. It took me a good long while to love it, but I’m nowhere so much at peace and so centered as when I’m near woods and water. I think, more than wanting us to be hunters and fishers, Dad wanted us to find that kind of calm. He never said as much as far as I recall, but surely he found that when he was out on his own, walking through miles of woods, or floating on some clear blue lake somewhere.

In honor and memory of him, I’m posting his favorite poem. Happy birthday, Dad.

The Last Leaf

By Oliver Wendell Holmes

I saw him once before,
As he passed by the door,
      And again
The pavement stones resound,
As he totters o’er the ground
      With his cane.
They say that in his prime,
Ere the pruning-knife of Time
      Cut him down,
Not a better man was found
By the Crier on his round
      Through the town.
But now he walks the streets,
And looks at all he meets
      Sad and wan,
And he shakes his feeble head,
That it seems as if he said,
      “They are gone.”
The mossy marbles rest
On the lips that he has prest
      In their bloom,
And the names he loved to hear
Have been carved for many a year
      On the tomb.
My grandmamma has said—
Poor old lady, she is dead
      Long ago—
That he had a Roman nose,
And his cheek was like a rose
      In the snow;
But now his nose is thin,
And it rests upon his chin
      Like a staff,
And a crook is in his back,
And a melancholy crack
      In his laugh.
I know it is a sin
For me to sit and grin
      At him here;
But the old three-cornered hat,
And the breeches, and all that,
      Are so queer!
And if I should live to be
The last leaf upon the tree
      In the spring,
Let them smile, as I do now,
At the old forsaken bough
      Where I cling.

 

 

 

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Workin’

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I’ve been working this morning and it’s gone by quickly. I’m glad I got dressed before logging onto work, because while it’s wonderfully sunny out, it’s still chilly and those socks on my feet feel pretty good.

It’s a funny thing about this job of mine–in the early days, I hated it. Thought it was stupid and pointless and the tasks I did were agonizingly boring. Now, though, I’m so glad of this work I have. It wouldn’t support most lifestyles, but it does mine for now, and for now? that’s all I’m asking of it.

I’d dreamed of being able to work from home for years before I found this job through a friend who worked with this company as well, and I recognized the irony in having finally found a legitimate work-at-home job only to scorn it. Silly me. Now, it seems, the more I work, the more work is available to me, and compared to many jobs I’ve had, this is dead easy. My only complaints are that my butt often hurts from sitting too long and I’m pretty sure I need new glasses after staring at my computer screen for too many hours. Those are pretty mild compared to some complaints I’ve had at other jobs, from unfair working conditions (10 to 12 hours with nothing but potty breaks? I sorta think that might be illegal) to vindictive co-workers.

Yep, I’ve got it pretty good for now. I’m grateful.

Eight weeks and change

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It’s been eight weeks and change since I went sugar-free and I’m still not missing it much. The two times I’ve been most tempted, the smell of warm chocolate in some baked goodie or other came wafting through the air, and like Pavlov’s dogs, I started salivating. I didn’t indulge, but I was so tempted. Twice in eight weeks ain’t bad, folks!

So yesterday when I drove to the next small town over to the little mom-and-pop hamburger joint they have there for one last burger before they close for the winter, I also had some of their ice cream. This is the soft serve kind, and if you get the right person working the counter, the curlicue on top can be pretty impressive. Such was not the case yesterday, and both the curlicue and the ice cream itself underwhelmed me. It just wasn’t that good, and while I’m not really sorry I had it, I do wish I’d held off getting an ice cream treat until something better came along.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

K.I.S.S.

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I’ve been trying to overcomplicate things the last couple of days, making the simple difficult, thinking too much, not following the tried and true, not holding to my K.I.S.S. credo–“keep it simple, stupid.”

Not helping the matter was the tsunami of loneliness that hit me last night. Alone is one thing; lonely is quite another, and it’s not a feeling I enjoy. Once upon a time, I would have eaten my loneliness away, stuffing sugary junk in my mouth. Last night, I turned to the web, and while I didn’t do anything irreparably stupid other than waste a whole lot of time, I didn’t do anything particularly helpful, either. At least I likely burned a few calories while surfing.

So today I’m deliberately turning my mind toward the simple and beautiful, and these are the things that are bringing me pleasure just now:

–Drinking my good cold water out of a real glass instead of my usual plastic bottle.

–Soft, pretty yarn.

–More sunshine than clouds.

–Recognizing when my hunger was sated during lunch and not continuing to eat out of habit or boredom.

I’m also looking forward to my next tech sabbath. I briefly broke it last week and was sorry I did–the hours of offline time have done me good, and I want to continue to do what is good and helpful to me.

For now, I’m ready to K.I.S.S. the rest of my Saturday hello.

I’ll see you on Monday.

Later: I didn’t do any of the stuff I should have. Instead, I went to my favorite park, had an excellent walk, then read, napped, and knitted for a while. That pocket of sanity in my day has been a lifesaver.

Now, I’ll say it for real: I’ll see you on Monday.

Freeplay Friday

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Something I’ve been learning lately, and it’s a good thing to know.

Anniversary

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Today marks one year since that first shaky blog post. This is my 343rd post. There have been 399 comments made, and 4,618 visitors to the blog as of this posting.

It’s easy to just let another year slip away without doing any kind of reckoning about it, without reflection, without seeing growth or positive change, without seeing opportunities taken or lost. I’d like to take a moment or two to look back on the year that was, with all its fumblings and misfires and halting steps forward. Here’s what I see:

–I’m both stronger and weaker than I thought.

–I would not have made it through the year without tumbling over the edge of the abyss without the good people in my life who gently held me back.

–As grateful as I am for the good people in my life, none of them could ever take his place. It is utterly unique.

–I am fully convinced now that we are not meant to be alone. We need each other so very much.

–I needed this blog. The words have helped heal me.

–I will not get my sass back in the same way that I had it before, but I can redefine it.

–I am learning at last what real friendship is all about.

–I am learning at last what real love is all about.

–I still love him. I suspect that I always will.

–Life goes on, and you may as well make the best of it whether it’s perfect or not. Life itself is a marvel and isn’t something to be squandered.

All that, and more. Mostly I’ve learned that, along with the loss I still feel every day, there are still good times to be had, still a lot of laughs, still joy.

Better days ahead!

Lyrical Wednesday

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I said it. I meant it.