This morning marks the start of Day 10 without added sugar or sugary treats. No cookies, candy bars, brownies, not even any ice cream. Every day brings its own challenges, but as I’ll be back working at the library, there may be a few more. People like to bring treats to work, often, and it’s often hard to resist. I’m firming my resolve before I leave for work, however.
I’m feeling just a touch of sugar withdrawal, but mostly it’s been good. I want to keep this up, particularly since there have been visible changes both in my body and in the way my clothes are fitting since I’ve kicked sugar to the curb. I don’t want to let myself down again, or keep making excuses for not doing the things that will benefit me and get me closer to where I want to be. I don’t want to break my promises to myself for a moment of pleasure.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about promises, and how easy it is to make and break them. That’s been bothering me, and I’m learning to be more cautious about making promises. They’re not something to take lightly. They mean something, or they should.
I made a promise to someone a while back that I’ve wanted with my whole heart, in weak moments, to take back. I said I’d be there until the end, that I’d always be on this person’s side, that I’d never abandon this person. More words not to be taken lightly, especially “always” and “never.” I’ve wavered and been angry and said I’m done and I’m walking away and to hell with it all more than once, but I keep coming back to that promise. It eats at me when I’ve said “Done. Gone. Out. Through.” I can’t do it, can’t walk away from that commitment, because of all the promises I’ve made in my life, this one stands above. This one I will keep. And I will be careful about making others in the future, knowing they mean something, they are sacred, and the words are not to be said lightly. I will be careful, knowing that giving my word, my sacred promise, will be sometimes costly.
Equally, I will be careful in trying to extract a promise from someone who’s reluctant to make one. No pinky swears for me unless I am convinced the other person is fully in, regardless of cost or consequence.
It’s time to stop excusing myself from keeping my promises, whether to myself or to someone else, starting here, on Day 10.