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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Freeplay Friday

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Let me say up front that I am not the crazy cat lady. I have one cat and one is enough for me. I do not love all cats; I do, however, love the one I have. She’s a little spoiled and I miss her when I’m away, but she is not my “fur baby,” (and what a gawd-awful phrase that is) and I’m clear on the fact that I’m the human and she’s the cat.

That said, I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time the last couple of days watching itty bitty kitties online, just being itty bitty kitties, staggering around on their tiny little unsteady legs, piling up on each other to sleep, stretching and yawning, having little kitty dreams, wee legs and ears and tails twitching, and fighting for a station when mama comes along to feed them.There is something so life-affirming about itty bitty kitties.

They are so stinking cute.

They make me smile.

Itty bitty kitties.

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What books can do

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Books can make you sick.

My work partner and I have been in the bowels of the library for the last few days, in a room that houses Iowa-specific works. A lot of them are old and manky and they made both of us sick. That wasn’t so much fun.

What was fun, though, was seeing and touching books that few ever see. I held a book that was published in 1865, and which was, for its age, in surprisingly good condition. For a book lover, that’s kind of a thrill.

Also thrilling was finding a bound edition of the local newspaper’s special centennial edition from 1964, and finding an ad my own dad had placed, offering congratulations to the city on its 100th anniversary. The ad was simple, direct, and no-nonsense, just like my dad often was.

Sometimes I miss my dad an awful lot, and yesterday was one of those days. He’s been gone for almost 22 years, and I still think of him daily. I still miss him, and the pangs of loss are sometimes still very strong. Real love never dies.

Books can make you a little heartsick, too.

Lyrical Wednesday

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Here’s a little something to go along with the photo from yesterday’s post, because I do love me a back road.

Tacit Tuesday

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Where I’d like to be, suitable companion by my side.

Hot enough for you?

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Let the sweating begin.

We’re getting a blast of heat the next couple of days here, with record-high temps predicted for today. I think I’ll be glad to be working in the bowels of the library today, in a secret little room that houses, among other things, the library’s server, and where it’s always cool.

That’s what living in Iowa will get you–extremes of weather. You can find it other places, too, but I have more experience with Iowa weather than with anywhere else.

Ah well. It’s good for the corn.

P. S. I had a great day yesterday. My friend Linda was passing through on her way home and we got together for a few hours to talk and knit. Last night I went to Roosevelt Summer Sunday, a free outdoor concert series that my friend S helps organize each year. The weather turned out to be perfect–sunny and comfortable with a nice cooling breeze. The band was fun, too, in a hotel lounge kind of way. Needed more cowbell, though.

Weekend review

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So I had a couple or three really cranky days this week.

Along with the crankiness came a brief but disturbing episode of the deep self-loathing I’ve worked so long and so hard to overcome. I suppose this is something that I’ll never completely conquer, just as I’ll never completely conquer my overeating, but the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t nearly as far away as it once was. I wallowed in self-loathing for years–most of my life. Now, it’s a few hours or a couple of days at most–usually–and then I send it packing. That’s heartening, to be aware that it doesn’t last as long, and it’s not as destructive as it once was. It’s still ugly and disturbing, but it doesn’t cling to me the way it once did, or more accurately, I don’t let it cling to me.

It wasn’t the best of weeks in terms of mindful eating. I was mindful enough of what was going in my mouth, but not of when my hunger (actual) was sated and when I was feeding another (emotional) kind of hunger that food isn’t ever going to sate. Last night was the worst. I just didn’t give a damn and I ate. A lot.That kind of thing is worrisome.

Today is a new day, however, and last night doesn’t dictate what I do today.

I read a while ago that, if you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up. That’s good advice, and I’m not giving up. Not this time.

I can do this. I can be strong and healthy and find a measure of happiness in this life.

I will do this.

Random thoughts

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* Some people will do anything to turn a situation to their advantage. I’m all for being kind, sympathetic, empathetic, and supportive to someone in need, but when that person exploits the situation? I’m out.  Some people are just assholes and there’s nothing I can do about it.

* Sometimes, even though it pains me to admit it, I’m the asshole.

* I’m thinking of running away,  just temporarily, and whether I can afford it or not. If I’m to be alone in this life, then I damn well better learn how to be happily alone, and that includes traveling alone. I’m not going to sit in some lonely room the rest of my life when there’s a world to be explored. I have vast open plains to see, oceans to wade in, and sunsets to savor, and if I have to do that alone, then okay, and I’m going to glory in it.

* I will never understand people, and though it is the pursuit of a lifetime, I may as well accept that some people are beyond figuring out.

* I’m a little cranky this morning.

* Love hurts. It shouldn’t, but it so often does, and then you have to figure out if the pain is worth it, or if you can even do a darn thing about it. You love whom you love.

* Actually, I’m a lot cranky this morning.

* I’m stopping now before it gets any worse.